Animals Sometimes Want to Kill Shit

Recently a woman was killed by a bear.  On a news program I heard something that I’ve heard numerous times after a human is attacked by another animal.  It goes something like this, “well, the bear/shark/lion/hippo/dog/hamster was afraid/really hungry/mistook the person for [insert natural (read: common and easy) prey]/rabid/not thinking properly and that’s why it happened.  The animal didn’t really mean it.”

Can we please stop with this stupid shit?

Look, I love other animals.  If it came down to a choice between saving my dog and some random human I don’t know, I’d probably save my dog.  I’m not kidding, I like (love) my dog more than I like most fucking people.

But, seriously.  Sometimes a bear/shark/lion/hippo/dog/hamster just wants to fucking eat somebody.  Or maul that ass just because you’re in their fucking business.  Or just prove that they can “alpha” kill the shit out of some other animal that dares tread upon their ground.

The whole animal-killing-human apologetic reeks of the Just World Fallacy.  Sometimes an animal wants to fuck you up just to fuck you up or eat you.  Fucking deal with it.  The world is dangerous, champ.

Unfortunately, the human animal is demonstrably both willing and capable of making up reasons to kill you… but that’s a whole different post.


Hi

According to observational reality, reason, logic and the utilization of all of this some would describe as critical thought (including parsimony): there is no tooth fairy, no Santa, no invisible dragon in my basement, or reincarnates of Napoleon and Elvis currently living in a lunatic asylum, and no:

Abassi Abeona Abgal Abuk Abundantia Ac Yanto Acan Acat Achelois Achelous Acolmiztli Acolnahuacatl Adamanthea Adeona Adimurti Adityas Adonis Adrammelech Adrasteia Adroa Adroanzi Aegea Aengus Aeolus Aequitas Aether Aethon Aetna Africus Agastya Age Aghora Aglaea Agni Agoue Agrotora Agwe Ah Bolom Tzacab Ah Cancum Ah Chun Caan Ah Chuy Kak Ah Ciliz Ah Cun Can Ah Cuxtal Ah Hulneb Ah Kin Ah Kumix Uinicob Ah Mun Ah Muzencab Ah Peku Ah Puch Ah Tabai Ah Uincir Dz’acab Ah Uuc Ticab Aha Njoku Ahau-Kin Ahmakiq Ahulane Ahura Mazda Ahti Aida-Wedo Ailuros Aine Airmid Aita Aizan Aizen-Myoo Aja Aja Ajbit Aji-Suki-Taka-Hi-Kone Ajok Aker Akhushtal Akkan Akras Alaghom Naom Alauwaimis Alcyone Alecto Alectrona Alemonia Allah Alom Alpan Alpheus Ama-arhus Amaethon Ama-No-Minaka-Nushi Amaterasu Amathaunta Amatsu Mikaboshi Amatsu-Kami Ama-Tsu-Mara Amaunet Ambika Ame-No-Mi-Kumari Ame-No-Wakahiko Ament Amida Amimitl Ammavaru Ammon Am-No-Tanabata-Hime Amphitrite Amun Amun-Re Amurru An Anala Ananke Anansi Anantesa Anatu Andhrimnir Andjety Angerona Angita Angitia Angrboda Anhur Ani Anila Ankt Anna Perenna Annamurti Annapurna Anouke Ansa Anteros Antevorte Anti Antu Anu Anubis Anuket Anumati Anunitu Anuradha Apa Apam Napat Apep Apet Aphrodite Apis Aplu Apo Apocatequil Apollo Apsaras Apsu Apu Illapu Apu Punchau Aquilo Aradia Aranyani Arazu Ardhanari Ardhanarisvara Ardra Arebati Arensnuphis Ares Arianrhod Artemis Artume Arundhati Aruru Aryman Asa Asclepius Ashnan Aslesa Astamatara Astraea Astrild Asuras Asvayujau Asvins Aten Athena Aticandika Atl Atla Atlas Atlaua Atri Atum Audhumla Aurora Auster Avatars of Vishnu Aya Ayyappan Azaca Ba Ba Ba Xian Baal Baba Babbar Babi Bacabs Bacchus Backlum Chaam Badb Baku Bala Balakrsna Balam Balarama Balder Bali Balor Banba Banebdjetet Banga Banka-Mundi Baron Cimetiere Baron Samedi Baron-La-Croix Bastet Bat Belatu-Cadros Belenus Belet-Ili Beletseri Belisama Bellona Benten Benzai-Ten Bes Beset Beyla Bhadra Bhaga Bharani Bharat Mata Bharati Bhavani Bhumidevi Bhumiya Bhutamata Bhuvanesvari Bile Bimbogami Binzuru-Sonja Bishamon Bitol Bixia Yuanjin Boann Bolontiku Bomazi Bona Dea Boreas Borghild Bosatsu Bragi Brahma Brahmani Bran Branwen Bres Brigit Brigitte Brihaspati Brono Bubona Buddha Budha Budhi Pallien Buku Buluc Chabtan Bumba Buto Butsu Bylgia Cabaguil Caca Cailleach Cailleach Beara Cai-shen Cakulha Calliope Camaxtli Camazotz Camenae Candelifera Cao Guo-jiu Caprakan Cardea Caridwen Carmenta Carna Carrefour Catequil Cauac Cautha Cavillaca Centeotl Centzonuitznaua Ceres Cernunnos Cghene Chac Chac Uayab Xoc Chaitanya Chalchiuhtlatonal Chalchiuhtlicue Chalchiutotolin Chalmecacihuilt Chalmecatl Chama Chamer Chandanayika Chandika Chandra Chantico Chaob Chaos Charun Chasca Chasca Coyllur Cheng-huang Chenti-cheti Chenti-irti Cherti Chibirias Chiccan Chicomecoatl Chicomexochtli Chiconahui Chien-shin Chimata-no-kami Chinnamastaka Chitra Chitragupta Chiuta Chloris Chnum Chons Chontamenti Chu Jiang Chuku Chup-Kamui Cihuacoatl Cinxia Cit Bolon Tum Citlalatonac Citlalicue Ciucoatl Cizin Clementia Clio Cloacina Coatlicue Cochimetl Cocomama Coelus Coeus Colel Cab Colop U Uichkin Comus Conditor Coniraya Consus Convector Copacati Copia Coyolxauhqui Coyopa Cronus Cuba Culsu Cum Hau Cunina Cupid Da Dagda Dagon Dagur Daibosatsu Daikoku Dainichi Damballah-Wedo Damgalnunna Danu Danu Dea Tacita Decima Dedun Dei Lucrii Demeter Deng Devaki Devapurohita Devera Deverra Devi Dewi Dhanapati Dhanistha Dhanvantari Dhara Dharma Dharti Mata Dha-shi-zhi Dhatar Dhatri Dhisana Dhruva Diana Di-cang Di-guan Dionysus Dirae Dis Pater Disciplina Discordia Disen Dius Fidus Djeheuty Domfe Dongo Dong-yue da-di Dosojin Dou-mu Dozoku-shin Dua Duamutef Dumuzi Durgha Dyaus Pita Dyavaprthivi Dylan Dziva Ea Ebeh Ebisu Edinkira Egestes Egungun-oya Ehecatl Eir Eirene Ekchuah Ekibiogami Ekkeko Elli Ellil Emma-o Empanda Endovelicus Enekpe En-kai Enmesarra Ennead Ennugi Enyo Eos Epimethus Epona Erato Erebus Ereshkigal Erinyes Eris Er-lang Eros Erra Erzulie Erzulie Dantor Eseasar Eshu Eurus Euterpe Evan Eventus Bonus Fabulinus Fama Fan-kui Faro Fauna Faunus Faustitas Favonius Febris Februus Fei Lian Felicitas Feng Bo Feng Po-po Fenrir Feronia Feronia Fides Flora Flying Spaghetti Monster Fontus Fornax Forseti Fortuna Freya Freyr Frigg Fudo Fufluns Fujin Fukurokuju Fulgora Funadama Furies Furies Furina Futsu-Nushi-no-Kami Fu-xing Gaea Gama Gamab Gandharvas Ganesha Ganga Gao Yao Gbadu Geb Gefion Gekka-o Gerd Ghanan Gibil Girru Goibhnu Gong De Tian Gong Gong Gou Mang Graces Grand Bois Grand Maitre Gratiae Guan-di Gucumatz Guede Gui Xian Gula Gun Gun Gunab Gwydion Hacha’kyum Hachiman Hades Hah Han Han Xian-zi Haniyasu-hiko Haniyasu-hime Hanuman Hapi Harihara Har-nedj-itef Har-pa-khered Hathor Hatmehit Hauhet Haya-Ji He Bo He Xian-gu Hebe Hecate Hedetet Heh Heimdall Heitsi Heket Hel Helios Hemen Hemera Hemsut Heng O Hephaestus Hera Heracles Hermes Hermod Hesat Hesperos Hestia Hez-ur Hike Hippona Hiranyagarbha Hiruko Hod Holler Honos Horta Horus Hoso-no-Kami Hotei Hou Ji Hou Tu How-chu How-too Hu Jing-de Huaca Huang Fei-hu Huang-lao Huang-lao-jun Huehueteotl Huitzilopochtli Huixtocihuatl Humbaba Hun Came Hun Hunahpu Hunab Ku Hurakan Huve Hygieia Hyperion Hypnos Ida Ida-Ten Idun Ihu Ihy Ika-Zuchi-no-Kami Iki-Ryo Illapa Imana Imiut Imra Imset Inanna Inari Indivia Indra Indrani Inmutef Inti Ipet Irkalla Isara Ishkhara Ishkur Ishtar Isis Isora Itzamna Itzananohk`u Itzlacoliuhque Itzli Itzpapalotl Ix Ix Chebel Yax Ixchel Ixtab Ixtlilton Ixzaluoh Izanagi Izanami Jaganmatri Janus Ji Nu Jian Lao Jin Jia Jinushigami Jizo Joh Jok Jord Jormungand Jove Juichimen Juno Jupiter Jurojin Justitia Juturna Juventas Kaang Ka-Ata-Killa Kagutsuchi Kaka-Guie Kaksisa Kali Kalki Kalunga Kama Kamado-gami Kami-kaze Kaminari Kan Kanayama-hiko Kanayama-hime Kan-u-Uayeyab Kan-xib-yui Kari Kartikeya Karttikeya Kauket Kawa-no-Kami Kebechet Kebechsenef Kemwer Kenro-Ji-Jin Khem Khentamenti Khentimentiu Khepri Khnum Khonvoum Ki Kianto K’in Kinich Ahau Kishi-Bojin Kishijoten Kishimo-jin Kojin Kombu Kon Ko-no-Hana Koshin Koya-no-Myoin Krishna Kubera Kui-xing Kuk Kukulcan Kukunochi-no-Kami Kulitta Kulla Kuni-Toko-tachi Kura-Okami Kurma Kusag Kuu Kvasir Kwan Yin La Sirene Lactans Laga Lahar Lakshmi Lamastu Lan Cai-he Lao-jun Laran Larenta Lares Lasa Latona Laverna Legba Legba Lei-gong Lei-zi Leto Lempo Li Tie-guai Liber Libera Liberalitas Libertas Libitina Lima Ling-bao tian-zong Lisa Liu Bei Lleu Loco Lofn Loki Long-wang Losna Lu Ban Lu Dong-bin Lucifer Lucina Lugh Luna Lu-xing Ma Wang Maahes Ma’at Macuilxochitl Magna Mater Magni Mahes Maia Maiesta Maitreya Malinalxochi Mama Mama Allpa Mama Cocha Mama Oello Mama Pacha Mama Quilla Mami Wata Ma-mian Mamitu Mammetu Manannan mac Lir Manasa-Devi Manco Capac Mani Mania Mania Mantus Marassa Marduk Marinette Marisha-Ten Mars Martu Maruts Massim-Biambe Matarisvan Matsya Matuta Mawaya-no-kami Mawu Mbaba Mwana Waresa Mbomba Meditrina Mefitis Mehturt Mellona Melpomene Mena Mendes Menhit Menrva Mens Men-shen Menthu Mercury Meret Meretseger Mesenet Meskhenet Messor Metis Metztli Mextli Mictlantecutli Mielikki Miming Mimir Min Minerva Minga Bengale Miro Mitra Mixcoatl Miyazu-Hime Mnemosyne Mnewer Modi Mo-hi-hai Moirae Moneta Monju-Bosatsu Morrigan Mors Morta Mu Gong Mugasa Mugasha Mu-king Mulac Mummu Muses Musso Koroni Musubi-no-Kami Mut Muta Mutinus Mutunus Mylitta Nabu Naenia Nai-no-Kami Naka-Yama-Tsu-Mi Nakshatras Nammu Namtar Nana Buluku Nanaja Nanauatzin Nanna Nanshe Nantosuelta Naryana Naum Naunet Necessitas Nefertem Nehebkau Neiterogob Neith Nekhbet Nemesis Nemestrinus Neper Nephthys Nepit Neptune Nergal Nethuns Nidaba Nike Nikko-Bosatsu Nin-agal Ninatta Ninazu Ninedinna Ningirsu Ningizzida Ninhursag Ninigi-no-mikoto Ninkarrak Ninkasi Ninlil Nintur Ninurta Nirriti Nisaba Niu Wang Njord Nohochacyum Nominosukune Nona Norns Nortia Nott Notus Nox Nu-gua Nun Nundina Nunet Nusku Nut Nyalitch Nyorai Nyx Nzame Oanomochi Obarator Obassi Obatala Occator Oceanus Odin Odudua Oghma Ogmios Ogoun Ogoun Badagris Ogoun Fer Ogoun Shango Ohonamochi Oho-Yama Okuni-Nushi Omacatl Omecihuatl Ometecuhtli Opochtli Ops Orbona Orcus Oromila Oshunmare Osiris Owatatsumi Oyamatsumi Pa Pa-cha Pachacamac Pachet Pa-hsien Pales Pamba Pan Pan Jin Lian Pan-gu Papsukkel Parcae Pariacaca Paricia Parvati Patecatl Pax Paynal Pekko Penates Persephone Petbe Petro Pheme Phoebe Phospheros Picus Pietas Pluto Poena Polyhymnia Pomona Portunes Porus Poseidon Postverta Prajapati Priapus Prisni Prometheus Prorsa Postverta Proserpina Providentia Prthivi Ptah Puchan Pudicitia Punchau Purusha Pushan Puta Qeb Qetesh Qi Gu-niang Quamta Quetzalcoatl Quirinus Quiritis Ra Rada Raiden Raktavija Raluvumbha Rama Rama Ran Rati Ratri Ravi Re Renenet Renenutet Renpet Resheph Rhea Rhiannon Rhibus Rig Veda Rimmon Robigo Robigus Roma Rosmerta Ru Shou Rudra Rukmini Rumina Ryangombe Ryo-Wo Sadhyas Sae-no-Kami Saga Sai Sakhmet Salacia Salbatanu Salus Sambo-kojin Samuqan Sancus San-qing San-xing Saranyu Saraswati Saritor Sarutahiko Ohkami Sataran Satet Saturn Satyanarayana Savitar Savitri Seb Sebek Securitas Seker Selene Selvans Semonia Sengen Septu Serapis Serket Seshat Sesmu Set Seth Sethlans Shai Shaka Shakpana Shamash Shango Shannon Shasti Shen Yi Shen-nung Shichi Fujukin Shinda Shine-Tsu-Hiko Shiva Shoden Shoki Shou-lao Shou-xing Shu Shui-guan Shulpae Shutu Sia Sibzianna Siduri Sif Silvanus Simbi Si-ming Sin Sita Sjofn Skadi Sleipnir Smertrios Sobek Sol Sol Soma Somnus Song Di Song-zi niang-niang Sons of Horus Sopdet Sors Spes Stata Mater Stimula Strenua Suadela Subramania Subruncinator Sucellus Suijin Suitengu Sukuna-Biko Sulpa’e Summanus Sun-pi Supay Surya Susanowa Syn TAges Tai-sui-xing Tai-yi Tai-yue da-di Takami-Musubi Takemikadzuchi Taki-Tsu-Hiko Tammuz Tanen Tao-de tian-zong Taouris Tapio Tara Taranis Tatenen Tatsuta-hime Taurt Taweret Tecciztecatl Tefnut Tellus Tempestes Tenenit Tenjin Teoyaomqui Tepeyollotl Terminus Terpsichore Terra Mater Teteoinnan Tethys Tethys Teutates Tezcatlipoca Thalia Thalna Thanatos Themis Thesan Thor Thoth Tiamat Tian Hou Tian-guan Tian-mu Tiberinus Tinia Titlacauan Tlacolotl Tlahuixcalpantecuhtli Tlaloc Tlaltecuhtli Tlazolteotl Tohil Tonatiuh Tore Toyo-Uke-Bime Toyouke-Omikami Trimurti Trivia Tsui Tsuki-Yumi Tuamutef Tuatha De Danann Tuchulcha Tu-di Turan Turms Tvashtri Tyche Tyr Tzakol Tzitzimime Uba Ueuecoyotl Uga-Jin Uga-no-Mitama Ukemochi Ukko Ull Uma Umunmutamku Umvelinqangi Uneg Uni Un-nefer Unumbotte Unut Upanishads Urania Uranus Urcaguary Urvasi Ushas Uttu Uzume Vach Vacuna Vali Valkyries Vamana Vanadevatas Vanth Var Varuna Vasus Vayu Vedas Veiovis Veive Venus Veritas Verminus Vertumnus Vesta Vichama Victoria Vidar Viracocha Virtus Vishnu Visvakarma Vivasvat Voltumna Volumna Votan Vulcan Vulturnus Wakahiru-me Wang Mu niang-niang Wata-tsu-mi Wei Cheng Wei-tuo Wele Wen-chang Wen-shu Wepwawet Wosyet Woto Wu Guan Xaman Ek Xi Shi Xi Wang-mu Xian Xilonen Xipe Totec Xiuhcoatl Xiuhtecutli Xochipilli Xochiquetzal Xocotl Xolotl Yabune Yacatecuhtli Yawheh Yaksha Yaluk Yama Yama-no-kami Yamato Yang Jing Yangombi Yan-lo Yansan Yao-shi Yemaja Yen-lo-wang Yi-Ti Yoni Yuan-shi tian-zong Yu-huang Yuki-Onna Yum Caax Yu-qiang Zakar Zao-jun Zaramama Zephyrus Zeus Zhang Fei Zhang Xian Zhi Song-zi Zhi-ni Zhong kui Zhu Rong  Zi-yu, or Zotz.

There isn’t even any evidence or reason to believe in a nebulous “something out there” being that is “bigger than you” and “must have created everything” because “lol it all had to come from somewhere”.

Nor does John Edwards speak to dead people. Uri Geller doesn’t bend spoons with his mind. Homeopathy doesn’t work. Nobody has ever seen the future and documented it. Ghosts seem to be figments of your imagination. Aliens, if they are out there, have never left evidence they have stuck shit up your ass.  Bigfoot does not have big feet – but he does have all the qualities one would expect of something which doesn’t exist.

Shame, all that. Because monsters, and demons, and ghosts, and superpowers, and magical invisible wizards who looked out for human beings would be fucking awesome.


God Bless America – God Damn Everyone Else

I hate the term “God bless America”.  I hate anyone who says it.

People say hate is a strong word.  Good.  Then it’s just the word I want.

I hate it.  And if you say it, I hate you.

My hate is not eternal, though.  Unlike your God, I am willing to forgive if a person finds the error of their ways… there is no eternal hate-hell I’ll cast you toward.

“God bless America”.  What the fuck are you saying?  God damn every other country?  God be indifferent to everybody else?  Why the fuck are you entreating your deity for favor and limiting it to you and yours?  Don’t other people, outside of your fucking arbitrary division of land and sea deserve His blessing?

Do you not see how fucking tribalistic and selfish this is?

I fucking hate you.  I’m American.  I fall under your blessing.  I still fucking hate you.

Fucking self-serving, chest-thumping, flag-waving, xenophobic, narrow minded, inconsiderate, exceptionalist, cult-clinging pieces of shit.

God damn you.


Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed – Bankrupt

It appears the company that owns that festering pile of fallacious creation-tard propaganda known as Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed  has gone bankrupt  – literally, not just intellectually and morally – and must sell the rights to the film.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed — the 2008 creationist propaganda movie fronted by Ben Stein — is scheduled to be auctioned, lock, stock, and barrel, pursuant to the bankruptcy proceeding of Premise Media Holdings LP.

Ahhh… that’s some satisfying shit right there.  Couldn’t have happened to a better group of people.

The high bidder will become the owner of the movie that The New York Times (2008 Apr 18) described as “[o]ne of the sleaziest documentaries to arrive in a very long time … a conspiracy-theory rant masquerading as investigative inquiry … an unprincipled propaganda piece that insults believers and nonbelievers alike” and that was denounced by the American Association for the Advancement of Science for its “profound dishonesty” and condemned by the Anti-Defamation League for its “outrageous” misuse of the Holocaust to “tarnish those who promote the theory of evolution.” (NCSE’s Expelled Exposed provides a collection of reviews, commentary, and resources documenting the extensive problems with Expelled.) Caveat emptor!

Clearly someone rational needs to:

1. Buy the rights.

2. Have Dawkins, Harris and Hitchens cut-aways and voice-overs through the  entire piece of shit.  Or better yet, do it as  Mystery Science Theater.

3. Re-release the film.

4.  Give a giant chunk of the proceeds to a secular non-profit organization.
Basically: take their dull, crude, rudimentary failure of a weapon from them and beat them over the fucking head with it.


Trailer Park on Mars?

Well, thanks to the stupid assumptions of the asshole who noticed the image on Google Mars:

Yes. That is clearly a structure on mars. Clearly.

… I’m going to have to hear and read conspiracy nutters talk about the gub’ment sekrets and dem aliiaaans for the next few weeks.

A self-described “armchair astronaut” claims to have found a base on the planet Mars using a satellite imaging map. He thinks the base could have been made by aliens

The video David Martines uploaded to YouTube has been viewed more than 850,000 times. He says the 750′-by-150′ cylinder-like structure that he’s zoomed in on using Google Mars looks like it’s made for people to inhabit. In the video, Martines say he assumes people live in the cylinder or have lived in it.

He named the shape “Bio Station Alpha.” 

And I’ve named Martines “Bubba Dumbass Omega”.

Experts told Space.come that the image was most likely caused by “cosmic energy” interfering with the cameras–not by aliens.

“It looks like a linear streak artifact produced by a cosmic ray,” Alfred McEwen, a planetary geologist at the University of Arizona told Space.com. Cosmic rays, which are emitted by the Sun and other stars, don’t make it to Earth because of its magnetosphere. “But with space images that are taken outside our magnetosphere, such as those taken by orbiting telescopes, it’s very common to see these cosmic ray hits. You see them on optical images and a lot of the infrared images too.”

Bullshit! They already got gub’ment plants out there spinnin’ cover-ups!

Wait, why am I making up deluded conspiracy rants when I can just skim the Youtube video comments and crib the real deal:

New Coordinates: 75 53’29.62″ 31 17’29.81″W (zoom out) MARS IS ALIVE…Under ground cities..those cylinder devices are actually use to convert the existing gas in the air to breathable air for Martians.

Fleemarkets 58 seconds ago

i think it’s a spaceship. i saw something like this in google sky before. exactly the same thing but it’s in google space not mar’s. damn…

Albertp64 1 minute ago

Great Find David, I guess Google didn’t notice that one, b/c I know for a fact that they would have blank that out to keep the truth away from us. Now we have evidence of something not natural in space or another planet which we can make NASA answer for.

cjames11 10 minutes ago

That is most DEFINITELY a structure popping out of the ground but it appears to be just the top of the building. NASA and our government hides everything from us and wouldn’t dare to divulge what they have discovered. Obviously because of Mars’ surface conditions, it would only make sense to those who have some sort of common sense that this is part of an underground structure. The strong winds that blows around Mars’ atmosphere blew the mound of sand or dirt that covered the structure.

apprentice21593 15 minutes ago
[edit: he took the video down]

There is an endless stream of this nonsense.  I have to stop reading them however because the stupid burns.

Assholes: when you hear the beating of hooves, think horses not unicorns.

Look, I’d love to find alien life.  Whether it was a tiny little organism or a highly developed, sentient being.  A hyper intelligent alien race that was benevolent and brought amazing new technology to earth and with one communication caused world peace, would be cool.  A war-like blitz of monsters would be fucking awesome too – for me – because I’ve always wanted to fight some goddamn monsters for a living.

Bring that shit on.

Or if there were an absurdly implausible “secret station” humans put on mars for some reason, that would fascinating and amazing.

But this blurry fucking image of who-knows-what isn’t evidence for your crackpot paranoia you trembling idiots.  It does not support your goofy presuppositions which you think are “like, the truth, man – open your eyes!”

So push that tin-foil hat back on your head a little bit, lean back in your easy-chair, take a sip out of the Pepsi two-liter you keep by the computer, wipe the Dorito’s off the corners of your mouth and just relax there, buck-o.

Just take it fucking easy.

Explore the issue if it excites you.  Gather or await evidence.  Do some research.

But take it fucking easy, champ.


First Man “Cured” of H-IV

Not a venting topic, just an interesting story.

Timothy Ray Brown suffered from both leukemia and HIV when he received a bone marrow stem cell transplant in Berlin, Germany in 2007. The transplant came from a man who was immune to HIV, which scientists say about 1 percent of Caucasians are. (According to San Francisco’s CBS affiliate, the trait may be passed down from ancestors who became immune to the plague centuries ago. This Wired story says it was more likely passed down from people who became immune to a smallpox-like disease.)

What happened next has stunned the dozens of scientists who are closely monitoring Brown: His HIV went away.

“He has no replicating virus and he isn’t taking any medication. And he will now probably never have any problems with HIV,” his doctor Gero Huetter told Reuters. Brown now lives in the Bay Area, and suffers from some mild neurological difficulties after the operation. “It makes me very happy,” he says of the incredible cure.

Fairly incredible if it pans out.  There is, of course, a reservation necessary until further study is done, but it’s an exciting development.

Of course, we’ll have to be on guard against the anti-science, anti-learnin’, anti-intellectual religious right standing in the way of research into the matter.   They may be furiously composing a bill called  “THE ANTI  SOCIALIST PINK-O COMMIE SO-CALLED AIDs CURIN’ SCIENCE STUFF BILL FER’ THE PROTECTIN’ OF BABIES” because “stem cell” was mentioned in the treatment.

I guess I was able to sneak in some rage after all.

Good times.


Iranian women’s soccer team forfeits because Allah hates women

… or something.

I don’t know the exact reason Allah wants women to wear shit on their heads.  But my guess is He hates them.  That, or the men who created the fucking fairy tale want to keep their womenz in line.

On the bright side, the chin portion can soak up the tears.

Anyhow, the Iranian team forfeited a 2012 qualifier game due to an established rule concerning uniform safety.

The Iranian women’s soccer team was in tears after being forced to forfeit a 2012 London Olympics qualifying match this past weekend because it showed up to play in hajibs. FIFA banned the Islamic head scarf in 2007, saying that it could cause choking injuries — the same reason it gave for recently banning snoods (neck warmers). FIFA also has strict rules against any religious statements in team uniforms.

Since Iran refused to comply with these rules and didn’t use the specially designed caps that its 2010 Youth Olympics team wore, Friday’s match was abandoned by officials and a 3-0 win was awarded to Jordan as a result. The Football Federation of Iran said it will complain to FIFA about the ruling, but FIFA says assurances were made beforehand so that this situation would’ve been avoided.

I have no sympathy.

Yes, it is unfortunate that the privileged authority of men, vested to them by holy men, who derive their authority from absurd stupid holy texts written by… men, create cultures where women are treated as obedient subjects.  Objects to be controlled and used.

I get that.  I recognize that.

Still, the bare fact remains: believing that you have to wear stupid shit on your head to appease a sky-man is fucking silly.

So go on and pack your shit and head back home.  Whine about how intolerant this safety rule is regarding your dim-witted superstitious beliefs.  And whisper to your gods for strength.

Your gods won’t hear you, of course.  Not because your scarves are getting in the way of proper enunciation, but because your gods don’t exist.


Search Engine Hilarity, Or: Harold Camping is a Piece of Shit

Taking a glance at the search engine hits that lead to your blog is an excellent way to entertain oneself.

Not surprisingly, over the past couple of weeks most people who found themselves at this site via search engine terms wanted information on variations of “harold camping asshole.”   Other specific searches were “fuck harold camping”, “harold camping idiot asshole”, and the shotgun scatter: “harold camping fucking asshole idiot liar”.  Most of these multiple times.

A close second are variations of ” idiot Michele Bachmann”.  Particularly a “fucking idiot”.

The term search that make me chuckle the hardest however was “carl sagan fuck son”.    I mean, I’m not aware of Carl Sagan ever having been embroiled in any controversy related to incest… so in my head it plays as a skeptic-minded hip-hop fan wanting to peep out some knowledge on his boy C-Sag:  “Yo’ dawg, I was just thinkin’ about C-Sag.   That motherfucker was tight.  He wasn’t playin’ with those superstitious haters.  Dude was the SHIT.  I’mma google that shit.  Carl Sagan… fuck son.”

One thing is for certain:  To find this blog successfully through random search terms, vulgarities and curse-words are near essential.  Perhaps that means I curse too much and should consider toning down my speech a bit?

No.  It means this blog is so far what I thought it would be.  A place for me to unload my annoyance at shit munching, fuck witted, irrational assholes and their delusional, idiotic beliefs and actions.

Maybe over time the seething will abate a smidge, and only a peaceful primate will remain.

Don't hold your fucking breath.

 

 


Sarah Palin Gives Her Account of Paul Revere’s Ride

Sarah Palin – there is really no need to add the normal disparaging adjectives at this point, everyone who isn’t a massive fucking idiot already knows – gives her amazingly awesome revision to the story of  Paul Revere’s famous ride:

He who warned, uh, the … the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringin’ those bells and, um, by makin’ sure that as he’s ridin’ his horse through town to send those warnin’ shots and bells that, uh, we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free … and we were gonna be armed.

Ahhaahahahahaha!  “…warnin’ shots and bells…”. Oh, hahaha.  Yah.  Hahahaha.  Ha.  Ha.  *wipes eyes*

“…warned, uh, the… the British”… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  hahahahaha.  Hahaha.  hehe.  heh.  heh.  *wipes eyes again*

Look, I positively love you Sarah.  You are steadfast and reliable when it comes to providing unintentional laughs.

But I have to ask something.  With you, Bachmann, Newt, Hucksterbee, Cain, Santorum, Ron Paul… I mean, the entire GOP line-up from presidential candidates on down… with all of you saying the most blisteringly stupid things at every given opportunity I’m beginning to get suspicious.

From your smack-your-forehead ignorance of the constitution, the declaration of independence, American history, and basic science to your hand-waving proclamations and invocations concerning your particular gods… I have to ask:  Is this a massive, epic joke?

You guys and gals can’t be serious right?  I mean, the Republican party actually gave up and disbanded years ago and the Democrats have just put a bunch of plants in the vacant GOP to hilariously parody a party of fucking lunatics, liars, assholes and cultists, right?

I never followed politics much up until the past few years when I started hearing a lot of theocracy-minded shit coming out of the mouths of politicians on a daily fucking basis.  Until cretinism, err, I mean creationism started rearing its stupid ass head in public school curriculum.  Until religious misogyny and bigotry and tribalism started to show up more and more as explicit policy and all the other fucking shit the religious right has been hammering home more and more.

So, you’ll have to forgive me if I fell for this nation-wide prank.  You got me, guys.

I really believed that we had a shit ton of idiots at the helm of the country.


Do Christians Eat Their Own Shit?

I don’t have any evidence that many Christians nightly unbuckle their fanny packs, pull down their pantaloons, squat, cup their hand beneath the slightly spread crack of their ass, squeeze out a soft turd into their cupped hand, bring that hand around to their face and stuff the warm feces into their mouths and gleefully ingest.

But I suspect they do.

Why?  Because I keep hearing and reading about this “War or Christianity” in America.  War on Easter, War on Christmas, War on Prayer.  I keep seeing these things referenced.  I keep seeing mention of the supposed persecution of the Christian majority.

I never, however… ever… see any evidence of any such thing.  My operative assumption is that many Christians consume copious amounts of their own shit and by doing so suffer some sort of infection or something that makes them stupid.

I don’t know a single non-believer who wants to “destroy” or “eliminate” prayer, or Christmas, or Easter, or Christianity by policy, law or thought policing.  Every time I see these things opposed it is within the context of Government funded activities.  I see non-believers – though not nearly enough – address these issues only in relation to the separation of church and state.

As far as I can tell, the vast majority of non-superstitious non-cult members have absolutely no problem with you dancing with snakes.  You can dance with snakes in the streets if you like, provided you follow safety procedures to ensure nobody outside of your ritual is at risk.  You can hold prayer meetings in the park, at your home or at the beach.  You can gather and whisper to your gods while pouring the blood of your privately owned and sacrificed goats upon your bodies in the pale moon light when Venus has reached the holy point.  Or whatever the fuck crazy shit you cultists do.

Pretend like crackers and wine are the flesh and blood of a 2000 year old zombie and cannibalize it?  Go for it, dude.

You can even, and this is the only one that even comes close making me really, really uncomfortable – I mean, a “fuck I wish there were a way to morally do something about this without crossing the line into thought police” kind of uncomfortable – you can even brainwash your children at home, in churches, in bible study, in a Madrassa or a private school.  You can make them wear stupid shit on their heads.  You can teach your little girls not to cut their hair and or wear sacks.  You can teach your young boys that they are the masters of the young girls.  You can keep them from learning anything that conflicts with your cult beliefs. I really wish you wouldn’t, and I might even consider cult-indoctrination as a form of child abuse, but I have no right to stop you.  And I don’t just mean in terms of the law.  I have no right, period.  We can’t have thought police and maintain our freedoms.

So you can do all of this.  You can make your child into a little god-bot.  You can teach him that overwhelming evidence is meaningless.  You can teach him that faith is superior.  You can teach him that prayer will heal his illnesses.  You can teach him that everyone who doesn’t believe in a particular zombie is going to hell.  You can tell him to give away all of his shit because the world is going to end in Oct.  You can teach him to be a “fool for the invisible wizard”.  You can teach your daughter that she is to obey a husband.  You can teach her to not speak with authority.  You can teach her that her body is not her own.  You can teach your kids to glorify ignorance and bigotry and superstition and xenophobia, and racism and jaw-dropping absurdity.  You can fuck your kids brain from here to Olympus, and non-believers won’t do shit – it’s not our place.

What you cannot do is use public money, in Government funded institutions and events, to promote any of your deluded ass, superstitious, tribalistic death-cult bullshit… to sully the brains and time of people who don’t share your stupidity by bridging the gap between church and state.

You cannot chant your rituals to other people’s children.  You cannot sacrifice goats that I, as a tax payer, partly own. You cannot infuse public education with magical fuckwittery.  You cannot put your cult’s rule-list in the public courthouses.   Because many of us, who pay for these things, do not share your fucking stupidity.

So no.  Nobody is trying to deny you your ability to be a fuzzy thinking, child-like moron in the streets.  Or in the park.  Or at your home.  Or in your churches.  You can own radio stations and tv shows.  You can write and publish books.  You can spread your virus in a multitude of ways.  To include brainwashing your children.

You just can’t do it on my dime or to my children.

And you’re going to have to fucking deal with that.  Seriously.

Because that shit isn’t going to happen, so you might as well drop that pipe dream you ignorant motherfuckers.


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